Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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