I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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