Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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