hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
