I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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