Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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