My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize