i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
