I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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