i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
