I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
