Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're like the curious george of whores
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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