She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
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Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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