Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
