When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
