i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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