Sorry, I don't speak sober.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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