my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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