The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Congratulations! We have a period
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
