Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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