My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
