Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
