Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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