I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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