I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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