It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
