where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
