Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
