she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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