Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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