i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
