if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
