No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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