i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
