I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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