Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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