put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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