she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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