I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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