like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
