Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
