All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize