There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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