you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
