I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
