Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
