Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
