sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
love makes seman taste better
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
