shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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