I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
