I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
