i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
