I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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