I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
