I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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