Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So. Much. Porn.
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