i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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