apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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