I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
