Having a random hookup so left but love u
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my shit smells like andre
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
