You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
