I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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