I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
