I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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