I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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