4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
