This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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