somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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