Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
