Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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