I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
